Killswitch
by Rinn Harridan
Summary: Shepard asks Joker to do something he swore he'd never do again.


"Hey. Chambers said you wanted to see . . . me," Joker said as he walked into Shepard's cabin and Miranda stormed passed him muttering under her breath. "Should I've brought a camera?"

"I doubt what I'm about to tell you will make you any happier than it made Miranda," Shepard said with a small frown, avoiding his gaze. "Take a seat."

Making his way gingerly down the few steps to the lower part of the room, Joker limped over to the bed and sat down beside the Commander. Although he'd never say it out loud, Shepard looked terrible. Gone was the exterior of a superwoman with a wicked sense of humour. In its place was a woman who was both emotionally and physically drained, whose grey tank top and sweat pants hung loosely from her thinning figure. A fine mist of sweat covered her pale skin, a product of nightmares so frightening and intense that just thinking about them chilled him to the bone, and her dark brown hair hung limply in her face.

"What's the matter?" Joker asked. "Is it the Council? Don't tell me they were serious about that treason bullshit."

"No, it's not that," Shepard said with a small laugh as she rose from the bed and walked over to the fish tanks, her back to him as she crossed her arms. "It's . . . to do with the Reapers."

"This is sounding more ominous by the second," the pilot said as he too folded his arms. "Just, tell me what's wrong. Do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid."

"I had a dream about Harbinger," Shepard said quietly. "He took control of me through my cybernetics and forced me to put a gun to my head and blow my brains out."

Joker was slightly confused as to what that had to do with anything, but when Shepard turned and looked at him with a look of fear on her face, realisation hit him like a high velocity shell.

"It's not possible though right?" Joker asked with a disbelieving laugh. "There's no way Harbinger could control you like Sovereign did Saren."

"That's why Miranda was here," Shepard replied as she walked back over and sat down beside him. "I asked her if it would be possible and she said it would be."

"No, no way," the pilot said dismissively with a shake of his head. "You're stronger than Saren, not to mention that you haven't actually had any contact with Harbinger."

"It's not that simple," the weary Spectre said, flopping back and staring up through the viewport in the ceiling. "If he was able to control the Collector General from dark space, prolonged exposure doesn't seem like a necessity. As for me being stronger, it won't matter. I have substantially more cybernetics in my body than Saren."

"So, what are we going to do?" Joker asked as he slid back so they were level and looked down at her. "We can't fight the Reapers without you."

"That's why I've got Mordin looking for a way to counteract the mind control," Shepard replied as she sat up and ran a hand back through her hair. "It's highly unlikely that there is such a way though which is why I've got Miranda working on a back-up plan."

"Back up plan? No wonder she was pissed," Joker sniggered. "She hates not being the centre of attention."

"That's not why she was angry," Shepard said quietly. "When I asked her to work on the backup plan she refused so I had to order her to do it."

"Wait, what is this plan?" he asked. "Miranda wouldn't have refused unless she thought it was a bad idea."

"I've asked her to create a failsafe device that can be implanted in my body. I guess you could call it a kill switch," Shepard explained calmly. "It would be a remotely detonated explosive device capable of destroying my body in an instant."

Silence descended upon the small room as Joker stared at her in disbelief.

"You're serious?" he asked before getting to his feet. "That's not a backup plan! It's suicide!"

"That may be true," Shepard shrugged. "I have no idea how long I could fight against Reaper mind control or if I could fight against it at all, so at least if I do this then there'll be a way to ensure I don't hurt anyone if I lose control of myself."

"And who've you decided to have as your executioner?" Joker asked angrily as he turned to face her. "No-one on this ship will detonate that device even if you order them to."

"There's one person on this ship who I trust more than anyone else," the Commander said seriously as she stood up and looked him in the eye. "And if I mean as much to him as I think I do, I think he'll do it for me."

At that moment everything made sense. Why Shepard had asked him to her cabin, why she was explaining everything to him personally and in private instead of briefing him along with everyone else.

"No. No way," Joker said weakly, shaking his head as he moved towards the door. "I've been responsible for your death once before. I can't, and won't, be responsible for it again."

"Joker wait," Shepard said as she quickly crossed the room and stood in his way, placing her hand on his chest.

"How can you ask me to do this?" Joker asked, his voice shaking with fear and anger. "Shepard . . . I, I can't. I'm sorry

The rattled pilot went to move around her, but Shepard was too quick and stepped in his way again, holding his gaze defiantly.

"Please do this for me," the Spectre said in barely more than a whisper as she closed the gap between herself and Joker, placing her hands on hips before leaning forward slightly and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Alright," Joker mumbled against her lips a moment later. "I've been with you since the beginning of this insanity, so I may as well be with you until the end of it."


End file.
